When I was married, I spent a lot of time up in my head, trying to figure out how to be in a “successful” and lasting relationship. I read books, talked to other people, worked with therapists, and did everything I could to do things the “right” way.

The problem is, despite the fact that there were all kinds of specific answers everywhere for what to do and how to be in a relationship, there wasn’t much info for how to access the wisdom of my body to get to the answers that felt best for me.

Without access to this wisdom or the ability to release the old, stuck, negative emotional energy that relationships inevitably trigger, I wasn’t sure how I really felt or what I really wanted. Thus, I spent a lot of time in Reactive Brain, disconnected from my truth and convinced of what my mind thought I needed in relationship, which, admittedly, was often very keeping-up-with-the-Jones-ish type things.

While I couldn’t see it at the time, I now know that the dissatisfaction I was experiencing in my own individual life – outside of my relationship – coupled with being stuck in Reactive Brain, resulted in some some very dicey expectations for how my relationship was responsible for making me feel better. Without my body on board, my mind decided that things like getting a house and having a baby and having my ex-husband do or be x, y, and z, were the things that would bring me the happiness and fulfillment and love that I longed for.

Spoiler alert: outsourcing our power to feel good never bodes well – especially not in relationship.

Eventually, after I got divorced, I reconnected with my body and uncovered what I really wanted underneath all of those externals – things like passion and purpose, a sense of safety and security, and the ability to feel loved and connected. Things that no matter what my relationship status is, I now know, I can give to myself.

No matter where you’re at on your relationship journey, trust that when you tap into the wisdom of your body, your answers will come, things will get better, and you’ll discover that all of those things you’ve been craving from a partner or a relationship, are also always available from within.