April 29th, 2025

When I was married, I used to say “I feel hurt” all. the. time.

I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing—being emotionally open, sharing my “feelings” instead of pointing fingers. Honestly, even my therapist at the time encouraged me to “share my hurt.”

So, I did.

But something was always off. Instead of bringing us closer, my seeming vulnerability often made things worse. I couldn’t figure out why “you’re hurting me” always landed like an accusation instead of an invitation.

Here’s what I understand now:
​Hurt isn’t actually a feeling.​
It’s a story we tell ourselves about what someone else did to us. And that story? It drops us right onto the Drama Triangle.

Because if I’m “hurting” and you “hurt me,” suddenly I’m the victim and you’re the villain. Cue the well-meaning friend who thinks your partner’s a total ass—or the family member who goes searching for the perfect diagnosis to explain why your partner does what they do—and boom: we’ve got the perfect trio for an Oscar-winning emotional drama.

(And, for the record, I’ve def played all of these roles 🤦‍♀️.)

But none of this gets to the heart of the matter.
None of it brings us home to ourselves.

Because underneath “I’m hurt,” there’s always an actual feeling. And in the EPI (Evolutionary Power Institute) world, we like to keep it simple:

If you’re feeling off, it’s probably one (or a combo) of just three things:
​Mad. Sad. Or Scared.

So next time you catch yourself saying “I feel hurt,” try asking:
​Where do I feel that in my body?
Is there sadness here? Anger? Fear?

Because once you name the actual feeling and find the sensations of that feeling, that’s when things start to move. That’s when your body can deliver the message—and then, finally, let it go.

And when you learn how to do that…you communicate in a whole new way. No blame. No drama triangle. Just grounded, real, empowered connection.

So why am I telling you all of this?

Because my mentor, Dr. Julie Colwell, is doing a workshop that starts this week—and she’ll be teaching concepts like what I’m talking about here, along with some of the most powerful tools I’ve learned in all my relationship work.

It’s called Cracking the Relationship Code, it runs for 8 weeks (Thursdays, 5:00pm MT), and it’s just $100.

This work has completely transformed my life and relationships, so I’m beyond excited to be there, demoing some of these tools live with my partner, Zach. And I’m thinking it would be really fun if you joined along to watch us get real 😬😅.

Feel free to hit reply with any questions you might have.

I hope to see you there 💗!

With love,
Sarah

P.S. This is a webinar—which means no camera, no pressure. You get to just sit back, relax, soak it all in, and let the aha’s happen✨.

P.P.S. This isn’t just for couples. Whether you’re single, divorced, married, or somewhere in between—if you interact with people and have relationships, this is for you :).

👉 Sign up here