Oh how anger gets such a bad rep! In my google search for anger quotes, I read all kinds of things about how terrible anger is, how it doesn’t solve anything, how it needs to be “managed.” What a message our culture has put out about anger! No wonder so many of us have a hard time expressing it – from the time we are little, we’re getting a lot of heavy-hitting negative messages about it.

When I think about anger from a mammalian perspective, however, it becomes way less necessary to shove it in the corner and write it off as “bad.” Anger – along with all of the basic emotions – serves a purpose. Just take note of your pup the next time he’s angrily snarling at the mailman, making it VERY clear that he does not want that mail coming through the chute!

We are hardwired for anger for a reason. Not only is it important that we know what we do/do not want (having boundaries), we also need the energy to respond to an intrusion or to move through an obstacle when necessary. Anger is a healthy and natural feeling. It becomes problematic when it turns to blaming anger – when we make others responsible for our energy.

Getting out of blaming anger lies in the ability to tune into our body and ask for its message. Once we are clear about what it is we want or don’t want, we can then speak this in a way that removes “you” from the equation. How do we remove “you?” As we move and process the energy of the emotion through our bodies, we can ask ourselves questions like: what am I not getting that I want? What am I getting that I don’t want?

As you ask these questions, if the answer is rooted in what someone is doing or not doing, ask yourself what you would get if that person did/didn’t do what you wanted. So, “I’m angry at how much you work! I want you to work less,” may look something like: “I want connection and I feel angry because I’m not getting that.”

Anger can be a tough energy to work with, so give yourself some grace and love and patience here. Trust that as you step more fully into owning your experience and communicating in a nonblaming way, arguments will soften, connection will increase, and you will more deeply know your true power.