Once I realized that triggers – while super uncomfortable – are also a doorway into uncovering the old, stuck emotional energy that just wants to be cleared, I began to embrace them not as a burden, but as my teachers.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t just float around in la la land not having any uncomfortable feelings or problematic behaviors. I still have a reactive brain that does all the things that reactive brains do, like blaming myself and/or others, slipping into analysis paralysis, and every now and then reaching for the quick fixes – like housing whatever carbs might be in the pantry or going on a Netflix bender.

However, the time I spend believing and/or acting on the content of my thought while in Reactive Brain has decreased, as I now often have some semblance of awareness when I’m in it. And, the beautiful thing about awareness is, with it comes choice.

Once I can see that I’m triggered, I can then choose to turn toward those feelings, ride their wave of energy, and allow the stress chemicals to process through my body. Working with my body in this way eventually helps me to get to the heart of the matter – what was really going on during that trigger. For example, I may discover that the intense, prolonged anger I had about what my co-worker “did to me,” is actually about how angry I was as a kid when I felt unimportant [or insert your feelings/experience here]. I can then choose to be with this feeling, release it, and get curious about what I really want – which, spoiler alert, isn’t actually about what the co-worker needs to do or say to make me feel better, but is likely something along the lines of wanting to feel loved, or acknowledged, or a sense of self worth [or, insert your specific want here].

As we move out of the trigger, we begin to see that our co-worker isn’t some devil in disguise, but rather a gift leading us to feelings that just want to be expressed and released. In time, we may come to find that our triggers aren’t here to torture us, but rather to liberate us from the grip of needing things outside of ourselves to feel better and to teach us how to come home to giving ourselves what it is we really want.

*Reactive Brain is a term and concept coined by Dr. Julie Colwell.