Do you find yourself feeling largely unfulfilled and unhappy with your life (mediocre at best) thinking that one day, once you get that thing – the retirement, the partner, the divorce, the pant size, the money, etc. – life will finally get better?

With a lifetime of messaging from all sorts of familial and cultural influences, it’s no wonder we get to adulthood believing that something outside of ourselves is going to finally bring all the happiness.

I think this whole fixation on external gratification happens mostly unconsciously and frankly, in the grand scheme of a well-functioning society, has done a damn good job for the whole economic state of things. So, thank you marketing industry for leading me to believe I do need those shoes and that car. I’m actually quite happy to do my part and support companies and people having jobs and paying taxes and doing all those things that allow me to live in a really great country.

And, this type of programming that leads us to believe that a “good” life looks a certain way, has certainly come with quite a cost – at least for me.

To be clear, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting things or having things or being sold things. What I am saying is that when we’re unconsciously swept up in believing that the key to our happiness lives anywhere other than within, at some point, things can get a little dicey with the whole life satisfaction thing.

My personal disillusionment process really kicked in high gear after I was married. I had a very clear picture of how things were supposed to be (having kids, lots of money in savings, the house with the white fence, a perfectly loving relationship, etc.) and when those things didn’t play out the way I expected, I had some big feelings. Because at the time I wasn’t quite sure how to have feelings without blame, I often outsourced the responsibility for my life dissatisfaction to my ex. If only he would do what I thought he should do, my life could get back on track, I often thought.

Luckily for me, things never got “back on track.” Today, however, I’m thankful that my relationship didn’t unfold in the way that I’d planned. It turns out what I thought I wanted wasn’t really what I wanted. It took a divorce for me to wake up to the reality that my dissatisfaction in life wasn’t coming from my relationship or my partner, it was coming from within me and my unconscious drive to live someone else’s life.

I believe that sometimes our souls create big life experiences – like relationship conflict, job loss, divorce, etc. – to help wake us up from the ego’s dream so that we can live in alignment with who we really are – our essence, our truest Self.

Today, if you’re experiencing lots of dissatisfaction because you aren’t checking off whatever life boxes you’ve deemed to be the key to happiness and success, begin to wonder whose boxes you’re trying to check off. Do these requirements come from you or someone else?

If you could let go of the things you think you’re supposed to have and begin to wonder about what it is you really want (and the qualities of those wants, like freedom, love, joy, purpose, etc.), what do you notice? Do you find that you’ve already created many of those qualities already even though they may not show up in the way you think they should?

As you begin to question your wants and whose life you’re really living, allow yourself to wonder about your current challenges. How might your soul be using these challenges to try and redirect you toward what it is you really want?

Happy wondering, friends. I wish you all kinds of freedom and love and possibility in this process of discovering your soul’s truest desires.